WARNING:
The jokes you are about to read are for adults 18 years of age or older with a very strong stomach and a very strong heart. If you have a problem with issues of race, violence, pedophilia, cannibalism, feces, masturbation, mutilation of corpses, sadomasochism, sodomy, spousal abuse, or anything considered offensive or taboo by modern society... please click your back button and DO NOT READ ON. For everyone else, happy to be a part of this gutter called Earth...

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Joke of the Day Archives Page 2 (Jan 2002 - May 2002)

Wednesday May 1st, 2002
What does a tightrope walker and a young man receiving oral sex from an old woman have in common?
They're both thinking, "Just don't look down..." - Jason A, Michigan

Monday April 29th, 2002
What's the difference between Porsches and Porcupines?
On the porcupines, the pricks are on the outside. - Karen M, Ohio

Sunday April 28th, 2002
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on the broom. - Terry P, Utah

Saturday April 27th, 2002
Did you hear about the nun who got caught doin' push-ups
in the pickle patch? - Elaine B, Alabama

Friday April 26th, 2002
How do you know if a blondes did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. - Diane M, Ohio

Thursday April 25th, 2002
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because some horny ass redneck was fucking the chicken! - Brian, New Jersey

Wednesday April 24th, 2002
What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead cats?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage. - Andrew F

Tuesday April 23rd, 2002
What is the difference between a cue ball and an illegal immigrant?
The harder you hit a cue ball, the more english you get. - Michael M, Pennsylvania

Monday April 22nd, 2002
How do you piss off our dedicated patrons who log in every single day for the Joke of the Day?
Check tomorrow for the answer... - Travis

Sunday April 21st, 2002
How do you piss off our dedicated patrons who log in every single day for the Joke of the Day?
Check tomorrow for the answer... - Travis

Saturday April 20th, 2002
How do you piss off our dedicated patrons who log in every single day for the Joke of the Day?
Check tomorrow for the answer... - Travis

Friday April 19th, 2002
How do you piss off our dedicated patrons who log in every single day for the Joke of the Day?
Check tomorrow for the answer... - Travis

Thursday April 18th, 2002
How do you piss off our dedicated patrons who log in every single day for the Joke of the Day?
Check tomorrow for the answer... - Travis

Wednesday April 17th, 2002
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothin', you done told that bitch twice already! - Sozna

Tuesday April 16th, 2002
How many times can a cat knock on a door?
It depends on how many times you throw it against it. - Andrew F

Monday April 15th, 2002
How do you piss off Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet. - Sean B

Sunday April 14th, 2002
Why did the Polock stick his dick in his wife's eye?
So she could see where he was coming from. - Nolan B, Florida

Saturday April 13th, 2002
What cocks more than a shotgun?
Your mom. - Miles B, Maine

Friday April 12th, 2002
What's small, in chains, and doesn't like sex?
The midget in my basement. - Janice K, Ohio

Thursday April 11th, 2002
Did you hear about the flying condom?
It got pissed off. - Sarah B., Ohio

Wednesday April 10th, 2002
A lawyer calls a plumber. The plumber arrives, works for a few minutes
and hands the lawyer a $600 bill. The lawyer rages, "$600?! This is ridiculous!
I don't even make that much money and I'm a lawyer!" The plumber turns
and says, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer." - Kevin L, West Virginia

Tuesday April 9th, 2002
Why do women have shorter feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink. - Nolan B, Florida

Monday April 8th, 2002
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care. - Jonny T

Sunday April 7th, 2002
How much fluid will fit into Monica Lewinski's mouth?
One U.S. Leader. - Skippy G., Ohio

Saturday April 6th, 2002
What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the Prince woke up Snow White?
"I guess it's back to jackin' off..." - Tommie E, Texas

Friday April 5th, 2002
A girl walks into the gynocologist office and proclaims that her
vaginal area has been very sore lately. So he asks her if she would
like it to be numbed. She agrees and then hears a muffled,
"num num num num num...." - Dennis C, Pennsylvania

Thursday April 4th, 2002
How do rednecks practice safe sex?
They mark an "X" on the back of the animals that kick. - Jonny T

Wednesday April 3rd, 2002
How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
10 Piggies, 2 Calves, 1 Ass, Millions of hares, 1 Beaver, and a fish
nobody can find. - Gaylord A, Indiana

Tuesday April 2nd, 2002
How do you cure a Blonde addicted to heroin?
Give her a plastic spoon. - Martin W, New Mexico

Monday April 1st, 2002
What's the difference between a wife & a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds!
What's the difference between a husband & a boyfriend?
About 45 minutes! - Will R, Florida

Sunday March 31th, 2002
Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
'Coz they're ugly and they smell. - Jonny T

Saturday March 30th, 2002
Why doesn't a woman need to wear a watch?
Because there's a clock on the stove. - Randy G, South Carolina

Friday March 29th, 2002
What is the definition of making love?
What women do while men fuck'em. - Nolan B - Gainesville, FL

Thursday March 28th, 2002
Why do men name their dicks?
They don't want a total stranger makin' 90% of thier decisions. - Jeff P, New Zealand

Wednesday March 27th, 2002
Why did O.J. move to West Virginia?
Everyone there has the same DNA. - Karen S, Nebraska

Tuesday March 26th, 2002
What do you call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is every night?
A widow. - Julie S, Montana

Monday March 25th, 2002
Why do women wear white wedding dresses?
So the dish washer will match the refrigerator and stove. - Dan Z, New York

Sunday March 24th, 2002
You might be a redneck if you think, "loaded dishwasher" means
your wife is drunk. - Jason A, Michigan

Saturday March 23rd, 2002
You know your a redneck if you think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is
"Gentlemen, start your engines!" - Jason A, Michigan

Friday March 22nd, 2002
Why does Mike Tyson cry after sex?
The mace. - Harry B, Utah

Thursday March 21st, 2002
What did the leper say to the hooker?
Keep the tip. - Christopher H, Virginia

Wednesday March 20th, 2002
Why did the Redneck cross the road?
He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. - Ryanne S, Ohio

Tuesday March 19th, 2002
What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
She goes home. - VTECnicalAccord, Pennsylvania

Monday March 18th, 2002
How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand. - Nick S, Washington

Sunday March 17th, 2002
What's long and hard and fucks old people?
Osteoporosis. - Chris M, Iowa

Saturday March 16th, 2002
Two potatoes standing on the corner, how do you tell which one is the hooker?
It's the one with the sticker that says, "IDAHO". - Ryan C, Nebraska

Friday March 15th, 2002
A man goes up to the pharmacy counter and asks for condoms with insecticide.
The Pharmacist replies, "Don't you mean Spermicide?" The man says, "No, my girlfriend's
got a bug up her ass and I'm goin' after it!" - Glen O, Canada

Thursday March 14th, 2002
What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
"What are you guys still doin' here?" - Michael P, Sweden

Wednesday March 13th, 2002
What do you call a hillbilly who has Sheep and Goats?
Bisexual. - Brett S, Ohio

Tuesday March 12th, 2002
Why don't chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their face. - Tony A, New York

Monday March 11th, 2002
What does a woman do after getting home from an abuse shelter?
The dishes, if the bitch knows what's good for her. - Sozna

Sunday March 10th, 2002
Why do Scotsmen screw sheep at the edge of a cliff?
There the sheep push back. - The Redman, Colorado

Saturday March 9th, 2002
What do you throw a drowning lawyer?
His partner. - Stu F, Wyoming

Friday March 8th, 2002
What do they call duct tape in Kentucky?
Chrome. - Mike B, Ohio

Thursday March 7th, 2002
What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep. - Dustin T, Utah

Wednesday March 6th, 2002
A doctor is about to endorse a check, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a rectal
thermometer and says, "Oh shit! Some asshole's got my pen!" - Jonathan S, Connecticut

Tuesday March 5th, 2002
Why don't single women fart?
They don't have assholes until they get married. - Adriane B, Ohio

Monday March 4th, 2002
Why do women like to be on top?
So they can accuse the guy of fucking up. - Michael R, New Jersey

Sunday March 3rd, 2002
What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, Row, Row your boat. - Tony M, New York

Saturday March 2nd, 2002
What do you call a woman with ESP and PMS?
A Bitch who has everything! - Darius, Gary, Michigan

Friday March 1st, 2002
Why can't women go skiing?
Because there is no snow between the kitchen and bedroom. - Georgia Southern University

Thursday February 28th, 2002
What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?
Fire. - Wyatt J, New England

Wednesday February 27th, 2002
Why do rednecks like having sex doggy-style?
So they can both watch NASCAR. - Nichole S, Virginia

Tuesday February 26th, 2002
What's the correct way to eat a frog?
Put it's legs behind its ears. - Jeff S, New York

Monday February 25th, 2002
What do you call the area between a woman's pussy and her asshole?
A chin-rest. - Matt M, Rhode Island

Sunday February 24th, 2002
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman. - Eric S, Maryland

Saturday February 23rd, 2002
What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
When you're driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you. - Matt M, Rhode Island

Friday February 22nd, 2002
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other
one holds groceries - Drew M, Ohio

Thursday February 21th, 2002
How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?
Call and tell them you can't come. - Jesse J, California

Wednesday February 20th, 2002
How do hillbillies celebrate Halloween?
Pump kin.. - Tom W, Indiana

Tuesday February 19th, 2002
What's the best part about having a female boss?
You make more than she does. - Gary C, Wyoming

Monday February 18th, 2002
Don't go into this thing half cocked... oh excuse me Mr. Bobbit...
"Everyone just do the best with what you've got!" - Michael B, Connecticut

Sunday February 17th, 2002
What's the most popular TV show in Arkansas?
"Touched by an Uncle"- Brian A, Ohio

Saturday February 16th, 2002
What can a goose do that a duck can't and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass. - George C, Minnesota

Friday February 15th, 2002
What's blonde and brown, blonde and brown, blonde and brown?
Madonna doing cartwheels. - Ashley M, Connecticut

Thursday February 14th, 2002
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and blow him. - Mary L, Nevada

Wednesday February 13th, 2002
Two hookers standin' on the corner. One says to the other, "Ever been picked up by the
fuzz?" The other prostitute thinks for a moment and replies, "No, but I've been swung
around by the tits before." - Randy J, Maryland

Tuesday February 12th, 2002
What do you call a woman in Vegas with A-cups?
Handicapped. - Michael S, Minnesota

Monday February 11th, 2002
What's the best form of birth control for those over 50?
Nudity.

Sunday February 10th, 2002
What do you do if a pretty girl sits on your hand?
Try to get her off.

Saturday February 9th, 2002
You know you need to lay off the beer when you wake up hungover with a ring around
your Johnson and a string hanging out of your mouth... - Tom J, Oregon

Friday February 8th, 2002
What's better than seeing a woman wrestle?
Seeing her box.

Thursday February 7th, 2002
What three words do you dread most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"

Wednesday February 6th, 2002
How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
Stick a couple fingers in his honey.

Tuesday February 5th, 2002
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?
A drunk runs a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green.

Monday February 4th, 2002
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley?
The location of the dirtbag.

Sunday February 3rd, 2002
What's the easiest way to break a Polock's finger?
Punch him in the nose.

Saturday February 2nd, 2002
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A licker cabinet.

Friday February 1st, 2002
A woman rushes up to a register, "I am in a hurry, can you quickly check me out!?"
The clerk turns, looks her up and down and says, "nice tits."

Thursday January 31th, 2002
Did you hear about the flasher who thought about retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Wednesday January 30th, 2002
What do you call a bodybuilder with a big penis?
A beginner.

Tuesday January 29th, 2002
Why hasn't Barbie ever been knocked up?
Ken comes in a different box.

Monday January 28th, 2002
What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half a cat.

Sunday January 27th, 2002
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.

Saturday January 26th, 2002
Why are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are always taken, and the free ones are mostly handicapped.

Friday January 25th, 2002
Why don't Southern Girls like orgies?
Too many thank you cards to write.

Thursday January 24th, 2002
Why do they call the space between a woman's breasts and hips a "waist"?
'Cuz there was plenty of room there for another pair of tits.

Wednesday January 23rd, 2002
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.

Tuesday January 22nd, 2002
How do you make a cat go woof?
Douse it with gasoline and toss it into a fireplace.

Monday January 21th, 2002
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.

Sunday January 20th, 2002
A guy walks in and says to his wife, "The guys at work think the milkman
has slept with every lady on our block except one."
The wife replies, "It's probably that stuck up Betty Smith on the corner."

Saturday January 19th, 2002
What's brown and white, lives in the forest, and doesn't have a mother?
Bambi.

Friday January 18th, 2002
What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea

Thursday January 17th, 2002
Why don't they teach Driver's Education and Sex Education
on the same day in the Middle East?
They don't want to wear out the camel.

Wednesday January 16th, 2002
How do we know toothpaste was invented in Kentucky?
Because it's not called teethpaste.

Tuesday January 15th, 2002
A man walks into a Psychiatrist's office wearing only saran
wrap. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts..."

Monday January 14th, 2002
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

Sunday January 13th, 2002
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Saturday January 12th, 2002
What's the best part of a blow job?
The five minutes of silence.

Friday January 11th, 2002
How do you cure bedwetting?
With an electric blanket.

Thursday January 10th, 2002
What food kills a woman's sex drive?
A wedding cake.

Wednesday January 9th, 2002
Why did Helen Keller wear her jeans so tight?
So people could read her lips.

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